Monday, September 3, 2012

The Places You have Come to Fear the Most

When asked what our biggest fear may be,
we often answer objects or things...
Spiders, snakes, and heights are
just a few that may jump into your mind.

But at the end of the day,
are these things truly what keep you awake at night?
Do you lay in bed thinking,
"Oh my goodness!
What if a Gardner snake is slithering in the grass of my neighbors' yard?"
Probably not.
If those are your thoughts in the middle of the night,
then I am truly sorry for doubting your fear.
(Take a Tylenol PM, my friend.)

On the other hand,
have you ever lay awake thinking,
"What if I fail that exam tomorrow?!"
"Wow! I really screwed up at work today.
I don't know how I will ever repay my boss
for that mistake."
I would guess that these thoughts are more likely to be floating through your head.
I have been struggling to face my fears.
In fact,
after just a few days of school,
I already have thoughts of failure in Biochemistry
consuming me.
It doesn't matter that we have only had one
true lecture,
or that my first test is over a month away--
I have already set myself up for failure.
(Those thoughts are resilient...
I tell ya.)
In fact,
in general,
has become the place I have come to fear the most.
This past month,
I have been pushing my doubts about school to the back of my mind--
I can deal with them later.
But the thing about putting things off
is that you will eventually have to face what is on your plate--
whether you want to or not.

So as I put on a smiling, excited face for my first day of classes--
the real me could hardly breathe.
After a long summer,
I had forgotten how much my last year of school
(what I like to call "hell year")
had affected me.

It seems silly,
doesn't it?

try telling that to my anxious,
panicky feelings when they enter my life.
They tend to brush it off
and say
"better luck next time,

All last week,
I felt like this line from the Dashboard Confessional song
"Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect make-up, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by..."

Perhaps a bit melodramatic,
but sadly, quite accurate.
I went home over the long, Labor Day weekend
and as soon as I got in the door,
I collapsed in my bed and burst into tears.
Those emotions sneak up on ya when you least expect it.

While I may be a bit anxious about school,
I need to remind myself that it really is just school.
You can try your best each day,
and in the end,
what else really matters?
I've found that prayer and
"time with God"
has helped me through struggles.
It is always better to face fears with a trusty friend
by your side--
why not let God be that friend?

So as you begin your fresh school year,
I hope that you are able to find peace each day.
Believe me,
I know school is stressful,
but never forget to make time for yourself.

1 comment:

  1. I definitely feel the same way. I love what you said about making God that friend. This year I've been feeling alone sometimes, but I tend to forget that He is always by your side. And we always need some time to ourselves!

    Wishing you the courage to tackle your fears! :)

    xo, gina


I love your kind words :)